Strange days

You are bad . You look into the mirror and say . Its just been a bad day. Stars shining in the daylight. Nowhere to hide in the night. Nowhere to fight forever. You cant go out in the morning without looking back. U cant come back later that day. When you hear some music ringing in your ear . U have nothing to fear. Someones waiting at the door today. Someone just like you.

The denial of truth

Am writing after a long time. Times have changed . No mood to weave silly stories. India is changing. And it is changing for good. Not honesty . But there is a shift to a clear sight . India is not confused anymore. But i am . I dont know. Have not the slightest idea what is going to happen next year. Clue less . Fragile . Hope .

Sun shine

When the sun is shining and you are crying. U are so happy. U dont know how sad u are. And the last day hit your head over the first time u got real close to feeling something new. When u can categorise your god damn feelings. And u know its a trick of mind. Something new comes along. I live. I learn. New debate the question of tomo. Today will just be another day. Will u remember me when the worlds gone. Nobody is supposed to understand what i am saying. Because i dont . Stop the bitterness . Stop the hatred . Life s too short. Forgive me before i die.

i am going home

some sunday ...
i was sitting on my porch ,,wanting the monday to go away,
today i want all mondays to come together
like a week with 7 mondays and 7 tuesdays
and dont know how long how insane or how irreversible

but the chain of actions once set ,,set the next and things go on
sometimes things keep getting better
sometimes they fall right down
and ur totally helpless!
u cant hold
u cant keep things from going on
im going home
tday mite be just another day
i am going home

E marne waalo

E marne waalo marte ho kyon a bhi. Jina baaki hai rona kyon zaroori hai? Haste haste kal subah shaam chala aayega. Agar marna hai to raat ko hi sona hai. Abhi do geet gao. Ji lo puri zindagi. E marne waalo marna to hai kal. Aaj rona chor do.dil ka baat bol do.

the new beginning

as they say that u can take my life but my soul u cannot take,
as they make me weak but die i will not soon,
as the seasons go but for summer my heart shall wait,
as everything burns to ashes but from ashes does the phoenix rise
so let this blog live, a piece of me a piece of us celebrating with whatever we have

the train back home

somedays were better left alone to

somedays are best left alone..

somethings are best forgotten

but sometimes they just keep coming in

and rush in

like a flood of memories

and u feel low

but u know

u have to get up again ,because there is no other way

and i smile

and enjoy the ride

back home

grey areas,soft places

the city was dark and light at the same time.u could tell it was the sun or the moon 

day or night,but u could never see either.i walked  down streets alleys,buildings ,houses,

parks,gardens,all of them familiar,all of them seen before.but different each time.

and i could never retrace my steps.i was walking down my city but all i could say was it looked

familiar,doors ,windows,could not see people around.no one spoke to me,i did not know how many

days ,months hours i have been here. Then suddenly i see my bedroom door standing in d middle of the road,

i run towards it,evrything goes black. i wake up in my own bed,the city never sleeps

someday

someday he would be wise,but today he had to catch those dragonflies ,the grass was sunny

green ,red burnt bricks of the house,sleepy time for this small town,but he had a lot to do, 

he had to catch d dragonflies.sneaking up behind one, he moves quickly,wings get trapped between 

his fingers . holding it up,he wonders at the see thru wings.the big eyes ,the form is amusing.he plays around 

a bit,then lets the dragon fly fly ,sits on d soft grass and wishes that evening may never come.

fairy tales

ok this may sound cruel,,but the fairy tales by grimm

 were rather grim,,and horror stories,,the stories we know are modified and 

abridged for children,,fairy tales were pschological metaphors to show 

really ugly things in real life.

like the red riding hood

..the original story did not have the wolf eating  the lil girls

grandma..the wolf cut up d granddma and cooked d meat and served it on a plate

..wen red riding hood came ,,she was asked to eat it and she did,,,and the later part of 

the story is even more ugly,,

alice in wonderland had a lot of meanings,,some of them a bit perverse

the point being stories have been modified,,edited,changed 

history may not be as we know it today,,wat lies ahead is d unknown

and what lies behind has a lot of secrets.

dream of flowers

small flowers were looking for cover,

the sun was bright

and one said to another.

y cant we bloom in moonlight?

the other said y cant we swim in the sky?

sandman meets death

sandman sat silent staring ,,feeding the birds ,,sitting by a fountain in the park.

1 of the birds sat on his head, death came and sat beside him.she sat back and looked at sandman.

looked thru black shades. He smiled.

: )

dreamt of flowers pulled them up and gave a bunch to death,

death smiled clicked her zippo and the flowers were on fire,both of them smiled.

: ) : )

it was too bright.sandman reached out and pulled off death's glasses and put them on.

death was gone

sandman sat silent,feeding the birds,one of the birds sat on his head.

The perfect dinner

“Awaaz do humko ... hum kho gaye ................ kab neend se jage....kaab kho gaye...........

Ashee was very excited. They were going to meet. It had been long and tough. She wanted to make this day really special. Ashee was planning for many days. She would again make him fall in love with her and things would be the same, “ceteris paribus”

She was humming their song and cooking his favourite pasta. She had picked up their special white wine from Haiko on her way home from office. The perfect candle light dinner, just the way he loved. The past few days (rather months) had been terrible. Nothing seemed to be going right. Something deep down told her, that this melancholy would prevail.

But today would be colourful. She was ready to fight the darkness away, forever. She laid the table with her best crockery and the best of skills she had learnt from her mother. The smell of oregano filled the room. “Everything is set”, she said proud of herself half wishing to feel the cheese melt in her mouth. To take her mind off food, she decided to take a long bath. This is also the best way to drive away all bad thoughts and negative feelings. It was still an hour for him to come home.

She wore the same dress she had worn the first time they kissed. She wore the same perfume which drove him crazy. She was waiting for him to come and hold her in his arms and say those special words. She was ready to do everything that would lead them to a happy fairy tale ending.

But what was taking him so long. He was already late by an hour from his usual time. She had to call him, find where he was. She called but he did not answer. “Must be stuck at some noisy station” she thought. She flipped through the album. Pictures are the best way to register memories, even better than the Egyptian way. But after all she did not need them. Every second that they spent together was still fresh in her mind. She shuddered as if he had touched her the first time. But it was not him, it was the wind. She realised she had been dreaming for half an hour now. He still had not called. She called him again but got no reply. She got really worried now. This was not how he behaved generally. She called him up again. After some 5 calls, he finally answered. She asked him “Kahan ho jaana ??”

All she remembered about the conversation was “I am in love with someone else........................”

Sweat, heat, heart thumping faster, shorter and faster breaths and the horrible sinking feeling. How could she feel so many things at the same time? What was happening? She twitched her fists. She felt the cold metal in her ring finger. She sat up straight on the bed and looked straight across. Through the blurred vision she could see his picture hanging on the wall. They had taken this on their first trip to Daman. His eyes had a shine – sparkling love.

The clock struck 8. It was the 4th august. It’s been three months now. Why after all this, she still feared losing him? Love was strange.

“The flowers need to be changed” she thought.

“Awaaz do humko.. hum kho gaye... hum neend se jaage hum so gaye..” was playing loud in the neighbourhood.

the beginning

 the sun rises ,  dreams awake some way.
the colour changes from black and white to true.
she steps up and prepares to go.
from one dream to the next ,from one story to the end.
from strength to weakness and starting all over again.

 the siraaj of the east, and the nusrat of the west.
she is here with our dreams.